38 Weeks

This my belly as of yesterday, the end of 38 weeks.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my regular check up and am almost completely effaced. My doctor keeps asking if I want to be induced because he goes on vacation after Christmas and he wants to deliver my baby. Of course, I say no. But, I believe Grace is on her way soon. I keep thinking she will be born before Christmas. Only time will tell for sure! Perhaps the next post on this blog will be after her birth!

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. I think of you all often...and I didn't manage Christmas cards this year. My apologies! I hope Santa treats you all well...and that the new year brings love and happiness!

– Shana

Yikes

Wow...so I received a call from my landlord tonight informing me that Pat and I have 2 weeks to clean out all of our stuff currently being stored in the basement. He has decided to convert the basement into another apartment. I don't mind all of this as much as I mind the timing and short notice. It is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now!

Our landlord suggested that we store all of our stuff in one of the rooms of the apartment. Clearly not an acceptable option. We have been making room for Grace for the last few months, I am not about to create upheaval by designating a room of our apartment to be used as a "storage" facility.

He then suggested a storage place about 20 blocks down the road. There are a few problems with that. First, during my brief maternity leave, I get half pay. Aside from various costs that the holidays and preparations for baby have required, my reduced salary also makes paying for storage less appealing. Second, I am the only one of the two of us who drives...and I can't lift any heavy objects now either. So, there's an issue of transporting things to a storage unit as well. Not to mention, finding a storage possibility within 2 weeks time. Strange...2 weeks...that coincides with Christmas...and my due date.

Needless to say, this has been quite an unfortunate and unexpected surprise. And I thought I might get a chance to relax before Grace came! That's looking more and more unlikely!

Ah well...it's a test of my multi-tasking abilities and my ability to remain calm in stressful situations. I have had a few such tests recently. I guess I haven't passed yet...so I keep getting retested! Maybe this time's the charm!

Warning to all family and friends- I love you and am thinking of you, but I really am not sure now if I will get to my Christmas cards. I apologize in advance if this is the case. I had every intention of doing so!!!

– Shana

Last Day

Today was my last day in the office. I have been a bit stressed lately, at work and at home. I hope I get a chance to do some relaxing. We'll see. It will depend on when my little girl decides to come into the world.

She has dropped even more so I think. Her head is down and my pelvis is in pain. My ankles are swollen, my feet hurt...and I walk like an old lady when I first stand up. On the subway ride home, I couldn't sit upright. I feel a bit ridiculous.

Though Grace is soon on her way, it is hard for me to wrap my mind around it. I feel a bit anxious, not knowing when she will come, or how the experience will be. I'm feeling scared and nervous, lonely and anxious, stressed and overwhelmed. I hope I get some time to relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.

- Shana

So we had our last sonogram visit today to get a final verification on Grace's lungs. They doctor said that there was nothing she could see that was of any concern to her. Grace is now six pounds and at the perfect weight for the gestation period. Everything else checked out great as well. Her head is the perfect size, there's the right amount of fluids, her heart is pumping strong and by all accounts the doctor believes everything's well.

Here are her latest photos. On the top is her foot and on the bottom is a profile pic.































Much Love,

Patrick

Just Around the Corner

Well I am in my 36th week, that's 9 months pregnant. Wow, right? I am still completely overwhelmed by all that needs to get accomplished!

Thanksgiving was great. I spent it with Pat's family at his Aunt Sylvia's lovely home. My friend, Eun-mi, was also in town and joined us for our big dinner. It is really wonderful to have Pat's family so close.

My in-laws also threw Pat and I a baby shower on Saturday. I was surprised so many people attended, especially since it was Thanksgiving weekend. It was really nice to see so many friends and family members excited to welcome our little girl into the world.

With the Thanksgiving holiday, however, came some sadness. I miss my aunts that passed away at this time of year...and without being aware, I always find myself a little sadder come November time.

Now that December is here, I am really missing my family, too. Especially my mom, of course. I wish my mom were here. It's difficult to be experiencing such a major life event without my family near. They mean so much to me...and I have never celebrated a Christmas without them.

Hopefully my never ceasing to-do list will distract me enough!

Our final ultrasound will be this week. I can't wait to see her. Hopefully all is well and our daughter is in good health.

I am so grateful to have a wonderful husband...and I feel so lucky to have a little one on the way. And the tremendous love and support from our family and friends never ceases to amaze me. For those who take a look at our blog every now and again, realize how much you mean to us. Pat and I have been kept quite busy lately...and though you may not get many calls from us as often as we would like, know we think of you often. And we feel very thankful to have you in our lives.

- Shana

Thanksgiving in NY?

I know it is unlikely, but if anyone is planning on being in the New York area for Thanksgiving weekend, please let me know! I would love for you to help us celebrate at our east coast baby shower (November 29)! The more family and friends around, the better! Especially around the holidays. I sure do miss my family!

- Shana

Bad Mommy

So we had our regular doctor's check up yesterday. I was mildly chastised for gaining too much weight. As if I didn't already feel huge! I have gained 43 lbs. I have 6 weeks to go. It was highly depressing. I was told to cut back on carbs. If I stayed home all day and could devote all my time to preparing healthy meals and shopping for fresh produce (I was so spoiled in California, NY produce is terrible), then it wouldn't be too difficult.

I keep getting told what I can't eat...then chastised for my weight. But I can't eat all the things I used to...and some things I used to eat gross me out right now (salad is a big one). I try and do everything right- exercise, floss, avoid a multitude of foods... At the same time I am working full time, running usual errands, going to the doctor twice a month, scheduling appointments with pediatricians, taking an online course, attending birthing classes, trying to plan for holidays, preregistering at the hospital, contacting the insurance, the short-term disability people, layoffs are taking place at my work and we are shortstaffed... then of course, I am trying to prepare the nursery, make time for my husband and I... and I am exhausted quite frankly. In my 8th month I would like to get more sleep. I come home around 7:30 pm or 8 pm...and my doctor suggests I make my food from scratch. So I cook after a full day's work and a 45 minute to 1 hour commute, then clean up...and go to bed by when? Sheesh!

If I am in the NY area during a future pregnancy, I think I will seek out a doctor or midwife that is also a mom. Perhaps she will be more understanding and realistic. The medical books say one thing, but the reality is never that simple.

Isn't it amazing how many of my generation survived pregnancy and childhood? Our moms were wild and recklessly drinking down sodas and having cold cuts! Not to mention consuming alcohol and smoking. Then we come into a world where playgrounds are laid with asphalt and we slide down burning hot metal slides on a sunny days. And car seats? Forget about 'em. And I need to lay off the bread? The sandwich (without cold cuts mind you) is the quickest homemade thing I can make. Now what do I do? Our daughter will enter this world with a mom made paranoid about food restrictions and guilt-ridden about not following all the endless doctor guidelines during pregnancy. She'll arrive in a sterile hospital and find herself carted away in a car seat, bundled up in a swaddle cloth, and living in a santizer-crazy world. She'll grow up with plastic slides and that soft-foam pseudo-asphalt they use on playgrounds now. The kid will be soft. That's not childhood.

All right, I know I am being silly...but sometimes I feel all the doctor advice gets to be a little silly. It's all too much. Isn't stressing out the mom bad too? What about sleep deprivation? Sleep is still important right? There needs to be a balance with a dose of realistic expectations. Or else every expectant mother should have a housekeeper and chef assigned for the duration of pregnancy, paid in full by insurance.

Okay. Enough. I need to go lay my large butt on the couch. My ankle is swollen, I have a headache, and I would love a good long nap!

- Shana

Here kitty kitty kitty...

I have become a cat magnet. When I am sleeping, our two cats make a beeline for the bed. Kitty Girl likes to lay on my belly as I lay on my side. Anna tries to climb up, but Kitty won't have it. So Anna stays as close as possible nonetheless. This morning, I had the kitties fighting for my arm and licking me constantly. I wonder if they have already bonded with our daughter in my belly somehow. I wonder how they will respond to her when she arrives. Anna will likely be very afraid. She'll get over it though. Kitty will take it one of two ways. She will either be mothering and lovey or she will be jealous. We shall see.

-Shana

Election Day

So my daughter and I voted in NYC for the first time. Voting here is a bit ridiculous. I never received notice of my polling place. I had to look it up online. They also don't send voters any information on what they will be voting on. Voters vote on this gigantic machine with a lever...I felt transported to the Twilight Zone. I seriously think NYC votes shouldn't count. The majority of voters are not informed at all...myself included. I will know better next time.

NYC also doesn't give out "I Voted" stickers. I didn't realize how important that would be to me. Not only does it make the voter feel a sense of accomplishment...but the stickers are a great visual reminder throughout the day for others to get their butts to the polls. I want my sticker.

I told Pat that I wasn't excited about the outcome of this election because I knew Obama would win. I have been sure of that since the primaries. Intuitive sense. I told Pat if Obama didn't win, then we were having a boy...because I had the same strong intuitive feeling about us having a daughter. Now we can rest easy knowing we don't have to come with a boy name.

November 4th was also our first birthing class at the hospital. It was okay. The nurse just talked a lot. I suppose I might have had a more positive experience had I had a chance to eat beforehand. I was so hungry that it was hard for me to concentrate!

So far most of the information has been pretty basic...though the nurse was really great at responding to questions and explaining her answers thoroughly. She had a quirky sense of humor which was fun. We also watched part of a video showing a birth...a very chill birth. It was unbelievably mellow actually. We were assured that we would see more birth videos and the others would be more typical of what we may experience.

All the other moms and dads there were first timers as well. Most due at the end of December or in January, though one mom was 35 weeks along already. I am not sure if she will make our last class!

Another positive...there was a bathroom inside the classroom. For a room of pregnant ladies, that was really a great thing. Yours truly was sitting right next to it. Easy access.

I think the birthing class will help Pat and I think through and talk about the birthing process. We can make sure we have a common understanding of what kind of birthing experience we want, who we would like present, how we plan to inform family and friends, etc.

That reminds me, the nurse confirmed my realization that NY women have c-sections far more frequently. I told Pat that c-sections seemed to be a "NY thing"...I've heard of so many women that schedule them, some for no other reason than to make it convenient. I come from CA, land of birthing centers and natural births, midwives and "Just Say No to Drugs". The nurse said 1 in 3 or 4 women in NY have c-sections. She was clearly of the opinion that a c-section should be the last resort (an opinion I appreciated).

– Shana

32 Weeks

Wow...the holidays are approaching and so is the birth of our daughter! I am 32 weeks pregnant and I must say I am having some serious trouble sleeping. I have left shoulder pain for some reason as well. That's what kept me up last night. Last night I gave up and slept propped up with pillows on the couch. I managed a couple hours of sleep. Hopefully I can catch up with naps today.

On the home front, things are getting done. I still have some minor sorting and cleaning to do, but we are turning our attention to the nursery. It has now been painted! Woohoo! It's a pretty green color...like a deep sage, I guess, even though the paint color's actual name was some fancy word combination with a nature reference...something "Fern" I think. Now we need some furniture.

My mother-in-law is throwing us a baby shower November 29th at 2pm. If anyone is spending the Thanksgiving holiday in New York, let me know! I would love to have you there!

Now, that I have been awake for a half hour, I may try to nap again. I am really exhausted. My shoulder is killing me. Wish me luck lowering myself back on the couch! Actually, I think I need more luck with getting myself up off the couch! That's probably what has me so exhausted now!

- Shana

Movement

I think our baby has grown since the last doctor's visit. She was 3 lbs 8 oz last week. This week her movements cause my belly to bulge and shift to the right and left. I think she may have rolled over. She had been laying on her stomach, but last night I saw a large round bulge on my left side. I told Pat it was her butt. He thought I was joking, but I was serious. Her movements are heftier now and sometimes startling. I get caught off guard every now and then by their forcefulness. If this is what she can accomplish at half of her birth weight, I don't know what to expect over the next month or so!

- Shana

Health Update

Today we went back to Cornell for a follow-up. Again the ultrasound lasted over an hour. The first technician had difficulty seeing our baby's lungs clearly, but she could not see the mass. She called in her supervisor. Her supervisor also could not see the lungs very well. Apparently, our baby was laying on her stomach and not positioned well for lung-viewing. In any case, the second person could not see a mass. So she called a doctor. We had to wait a while for the doctor to arrive. When the doctor arrived, she also tried to get a clear picture of the lungs. Though they could not be seen clearly, the doctor did not see a mass either. She told us that the mass regressed. Whether it was completely gone or whether some of it was still there (and just not currently visible to them), this was a good sign. Apparently, once the lesion regresses, it does not come back. Plus the fluids were normal, our baby's weight was normal, and her heart was normal. All good signs. We plan to schedule a visit in 4 to 6 weeks just to make sure all is well. It was relieving to hear that things looked promising.

Our daughter was sure wiggling around a lot throughout the visit. She is currently positioned with her head down and her butt and legs near the lower part of my chest. I feel the most movement on the upper portion of my ever-growing belly and smaller flutters in the lower abdominal region (her arm movement). She doesn't make a lot of large movements, but she is getting more forceful. Though we did not get to take home an ultrasound picture this time, there are similarities in how she appears each time. Often we see her with one arm up, near her head. I wonder if she will sleep with one arm by her head when she is born.

I can't believe we will be meeting her in two months. Time is starting to fly. Soon, I will be a mom. Crazy to think it. That reminds me, I need to start looking for another stocking to hang up for Santa to fill!

- Shana

Weight Gain

My last doctor's visit revealed that I have gained 39 lbs so far during my pregnancy! Yikes! They claim I should gain 35–40 lbs overall. If that were true, I would be looking 9 months pregnant right now. I can tell you I have never seen a lady with a belly as small (that doesn't seem like the right adjective—my belly is a pregnant one...just not a 9 month looking one!) as mine that is in her 9th month!

I must say I have had the worst eating habits during pregnancy. I think Pat has appreciated that. I eat more fruit, more carbs, crave red meat...and don't particularly care for vegetables—salads in particular. I try to do some exercise every morning now...but it can be tough. In any case, I just hope that I don't pack on a load more. I don't trust my ability to maintain my balance while descending the subway stairs on a cold winter's day if I am too top heavy.

That reminds me...I know I said I was going to work on posting belly photos. I am going to work on it. It is on the massive To Do list. We took photos at 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months and now weekly. There is one photo I am trying to locate still and we have not uploaded the last 2 photos. I will post some before delivery...I will promise that much! So, stay tuned!

- Shana

Wiggling Machine

So our baby must get her wiggle from her dad. She's been moving like crazy today. Sometimes I fear she moves too little, other times I wonder if a baby can move too much!

On Monday I had a headache and felt a little off and by Tuesday our baby hardly wiggled at all. I tried everything. I ate. She usually moves when I eat. Nothing. I played music. She likes my "Boogie" playlist. Still no movement. I was giving her one hour to move before I called the doctor. I ate something sweet. Nothing. I played her dad's recorded reading of a Dr. Seuss book. Nothing. Finally, I played more music...and felt a little movement. I looked down at my iPod and saw that the song was "You Sexy Thing." She has interesting taste in music. In any case, by that evening she was more active and I was relieved.

Last night she was quite active as well. I got up to use the restroom (as pregnant women are known to do in the middle of the night) and when I layed back down on the bed, it was like a ping pong ball in my belly. Pow on the right. Pow on the left. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Back and forth across my belly. I told Pat that I suspect she is practicing the ancient art of KungFu.

Today she was just as active. There was a moment when I had to pause while at work on the computer. Bam. Pow. Wham. My belly was a wide range of constant activity. Finally, I leaned back in my chair and rested my hand on the top of my belly and told her to calm down. She kicked my hand. This went on for a few minutes. Then she seemed to settle a bit. Who knows what acrobatics will take place tonight!

- Shana

Ack!

Time is quickly flying by and there is so much to do. We had another doctor's appointment yesterday. Now that we are in the third trimester (I am going into my 30th week this weekend), our OB appointments will be every two weeks. We also need to schedule our ultrasound with the Cornell specialist to check our baby's lungs again. She has been diagnosed with CAML, but the Cornell doctor is very optimistic. We also need to schedule an appointment with the neonatalogist at the hospital where I will be delivering to see if the NICU there can handle any issues that may arise after birth (due to the lung condition). Otherwise we may need to deliver at Cornell. Then, there's the pediatrician hunt. We have to find one soon, so I need to also schedule appointments to interview a couple possibilities.

On top of all this, Pat and I decided to enroll in CBR for cord blood banking. That's quite a costly thing to do...but considering our baby's lung condition and the diseases in both our families, it seemed worth it. I told Pat that we may need to make some Christmas gifts this year...however, I am not sure if we have the time!

Birthing classes are also on the horizon. They begin in November.

And...on top of it all...the house is still a mess and we are combatting the cockroaches too! Yikes. So much.

- Shana

Still Cleaning

The apartment is still a mess. I have been trying to make progress but it is a slow-going process. Today I decided to make some headway and ended up a bit overheated and dizzy. I am getting a bit more tired as well. So I feel I am racing against time. I want to get so much done before I really struggle to move around. November will be busy for us, so I would definitely like to be done with it all before then.

To top it all...we have a cockroach family that decided to take residence in our kitchen. Yuck.

- Shana

On The Horizon

With all of the worry and concern, I have not really had a chance to post the belly photos. I will work on that in the near future, particularly for those of you far across the stretches of the U.S. I am a pregnant lady and look it. This coming weekend will mark the beginning of the 28th week of pregnancy. I will be 7 months pregnant and moving into the third trimester. Wow. The house is still a complete wreck. My goal is to complete all the organizing and cleaning needed by mid-October. At this point, that goal seems a bit lofty, but it's my goal nonetheless.

I will keep you updated on our baby's health, the state of our apartment, and my ever-changing body. By the way, I began to worry as I put my shoes on this morning how I was going to get winter boots onto my feet in another month or two. I get winded when putting on shoes now!

I read to our baby every night. She has her own Shelfari account. I have not yet updated it to reflect our latest reading, but she is currently reading one of my favorites: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. If any of you have not yet read this, please do so. You won't regret it.

- Shana

A Second Opinion

Well, it has been quite a week. You can imagine the emotional upheaval caused by the last doctor's prognosis. I felt quite helpless, knowing I could do little to protect my daughter...and worrying that something could be truly wrong with her. I did my best not to worry (not exactly easy) and focus on the positive. This is what I came up with—First, I have an amazing family. Thank you all, by the way, for offering your support, concerns, and well-wishes. It was truly touching. I realized that no matter what this baby will be born into a family that is full of love and support—and with that there is no obstacle that cannot be faced. Second, our daughter comes from a long line of strong women. Some people may argue "stubborn women" is a more appropriate term. However, in either case, we are fighters and survivors in many respects. Third, as silly as it may sound, I feel like I would know if there was something truly wrong. Fourth, I count myself lucky to be pregnant as some women never get the opportunity to experience it...and to love someone so much without ever having met her. That in itself is worth anything we may come up against. And finally, I forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I don't have control over what happens to my baby...as much as I would like to. All I can do is control how well I take care of myself and hope for the best. So I focused on these things and made it to today with calm.

Today, Pat and I went to Cornell to see a specialist there. This doctor specializes in fetal abnormalities and complicated pregnancies. Immediately I felt more at ease in this office than in the other specialist's office. First of all, the ultrasound technician was warm and friendly. She asked questions about our history and the reason for coming in today. She explained what measurements she was taking and was quite thorough. Then, we moved to another room to be examined with another machine that had different measurement capabilities. Another ultrasound technician took measurements at this point. Then the doctor came in and joined the two ultrasound technicians. He also took a look himself and, specifically, checked our baby's lungs. At the end of this hour-long visit, the doctor told us he felt the prognosis was good. He explained what the other doctor suspected and explained what he saw. He told us that he did not feel we had a need to be alarmed and to come in for monthly ultrasounds to check the development of the lungs. All in all, it was relieving to hear. Since we cannot really do anything whether the previous doctor's diagnosis was right or not, all we can do is remain calm and await the next ultrasound. Hopefully the prognosis will continue to be a good one.

For those who offered their prayers, shared our worries, or offered words of comfort or love, I thank you. Pat thanks you. Our baby thanks you. You have no idea how much your love and support means. We would be nowhere without it.

Much love to you all...

- Shana

Update

Well, I apologize for the delay in announcing the gender. We have been told that we are expecting a little girl. What has been troubling, however, is that we were asked to return for repeat visits. Apparently there were concerns about the kidneys, the heart, and especially the lungs. We had another ultrasound today and met the specialist (for the first time in the 5 visits). He was not very helpful in explaining his concerns about the lungs...but he wants to refer us to another specialist for a second opinion. Quite frankly, I don't believe this doctor gave a "first" opinion in the first place. He floundered around and I latched on to one thing—CAML. So, after asking questions and getting them inadequately answered by the doctor, I looked up CAML online. Not much is out there and it seems it is quite rare. It is possible that the suspected lung issue is actually something that will resolve itself as the baby develops. However, if the baby does have CAML, it seems it is quite serious. I can't seem to find any definitive information. Just some medical abstracts. In any case, it is so serious that I feel it was quite irresponsible of the specialist to mention without explanation or any clear information. So, I plan to talk to my regular OB and ask him to refer me to a different specialist.

If you pray, please pray for us. In the meantime, all we can do is hope for the best and get a second opinion. I will keep you updated.

Belly Button, Where Are You Going?

As my belly grows, I notice my belly button is shrinking. It gets tinier and tinier. I know soon it will pop out. Does that happen all at once? Or is it gradual? I suppose a little fresh air never hurt a belly button any. It has to make room for the baby below!

My belly seems so taut now. I know it will get bigger, but it is hard to imagine how. That's where stretch marks come in I guess. Pregnancy is not the sexiest. I have fuzz on my belly, a disappearing belly button, puffy ankles, dark circles under the eyes, a wide load in the rear, and a future of stretch marks! Luckily, most people look at pregnant people and smile. This may be the only time that all these qualities are deemed okay—cute even. So, I will enjoy it while I can as I wait for my ol' belly button to come back.

- Shana

Update

So I have a big pregnant belly and a wide pregnant butt. I am a pregnant lady. The baby moves and moves—most often when I read aloud to the baby at night, when I put my headphones up to my belly, or when I just had something sugary to eat.

Tomorrow is another ultrasound appointment. I am eager to see the baby again. I always wonder what is going on inside there...and where the baby has shifted to. Just last week I was sure the baby was sitting right on my bladder—with each kick I had to pee!

So, boy or girl? Girl or boy? You'll have to check in tomorrow!

- Shana

Emotional Roller Coaster

I don't know if it is due to hormones or simply to overwhelming responsibility of being a mom, but I am an emotional roller coaster! Up and down, side to side...my emotions constantly shift. From fear and worry, to excitement and joy—anxious, paranoid, happy, loving, overwhelmed, eager. I experience them all...and at any given time! I want to meet this little one...and get excited. I think of labor...and I get nervous. I feel the baby move and I am joyous. When I don't feel movement, I get paranoid.

- Shana

Give it up!

Well, the F train people seem to be much nicer than the D train folk. When I ride the D train, I tend to have to stand the entire ride in (about 40 minutes). Yet, on the F train, I was offered a seat by 3 different people. I think this would make for great investigative journalism. They could test out each train and see how often people offer up seats to those in need! Which train is the most courteous?

- Shana

A New York Paradox

So I am pretty pregnant looking now. I am in my 6th month (24 weeks) and my belly has popped out. I waddle, a little, and move more slowly up and down the subway stairs. Underwear aren't fitting, and even certain maternity items are a bit more snug.

A strange phenomenon has taken place. When I go somewhere to grab food or get groceries, I find that I am repeatedly addressed as "sweetie" or "sweetheart" now. Rather than the typical perfunctory "Next!" or "What can I do for yous?" I have been met with "What do you need sweetie?" Apparently pregnancy makes me look more sweet than before. The paradox lies in the fact that, though I am noticeably pregnant, I still have never been offered a seat on the subway. If I am on a crowded subway car, I stand just like everyone else as young, athletic people sit listening to iPods and ignoring everyone around them—the elderly, women with children, and pregnant folk like me.

There is one thing I have learned to appreciate here: I have not yet experienced strangers touching my belly. I know some people in California who had a problem with strangers touching their pregnant bellies. I guess New Yorkers are a bit more into keeping their personal space. In this case, I can't really complain about that. Hands off the belly. That's the way I like it.

- Shana

Nesting

I am overwhelmed by all the "nesting" I have to do. I am a neat freak and an organized person, however, I do not live with a like-minded individual in this respect. So I am currently living in chaos with our entire apartment in disarray.

"Nesting" sounds so harmless. The term even sounds endearing, cute, quaint. It doesn't really reflect the chaos and stress that comprises the "nesting" that is going on in our apartment!

- Shana

Did You Feel That?

July 30th. That was the day I was sure I felt the first movement. I had suspected feeling it earlier, but wasn't sure. On July 30th, near the end of my 18th week, I felt the baby move around a great deal. Patrick asked what it felt like. I had read many descriptions of the feeling—some people described it as a flutter or butterflies. I had a different experience. I told Pat that it felt like an involuntary twitch—a rapid succession of movement that I couldn't control—but in my uterus.

August 26th. Patrick first saw the movement, then felt our baby move. I had recently been able to feel the baby's movement when I placed my hand on my belly. However, whenever I called Pat over to feel it too, the baby wouldn't move anymore. Last night, I was lying on my back and felt the baby moving around. I pulled up my shirt and looked at my belly. The movement was clearly visible with the naked eye. I called Pat into the bedroom. At first I thought the baby wouldn't move again, just as before. But this time, the baby was more cooperative. Movement. Pat could see it. We watched the baby move around for a while, then Pat placed his hand on my belly. The baby didn't move right away, but Pat was patient. Then, he felt our baby move beneath his fingers. I suddenly had a moment of panic—will seeing this freak Pat out, bringing to mind images from movies like Alien? I mean it is a pretty strange sight to see—it's not everyday a creature is visibly rolling around beneath the skin's surface!

- Shana

The Big News

April 24th, 2008—that was the day we learned we were expecting a new addition to our family. I had suspicions for some time. Somehow I just felt it. When I did realize that it was a possibility, I discovered that I was quite excited. I was eager to take a pregnancy test to find out for certain, but I was afraid I would be disappointed to learn that I was not pregnant. So, I made myself wait. I gave myself a deadline. The wait seemed like forever. When my "deadline" approached, I couldn't wait any longer. I knew Pat's parents would be over for a barbecue...but I swung by a Rite Aid on the way home from work and bought an E.P.T. pregnancy test anyway. I came home then, greeted everyone, and headed straight to the bathroom.

There were 3 tests in the box. Two of the normal variety, offering a plus or minus sign, and a third that was a new digital test. If you were pregnant, the word "pregnant" appeared, clear as day. I took a normal test. It was positive. I was elated. I went back to join everyone...but found it difficult to contain the news. Finally, I got Patrick alone. I showed him the positive test. He hugged me, perhaps a bit in shock. We returned to the barbecue, but kept the news to ourselves until we could talk about it.

Later that night, I took the digital test. That word appeared: "pregnancy." Clear as day. You can't really second-guess that one. I suppose the rest is history. History in the making. We told our parents the next day. We waited two weeks before telling our brothers, after our first doctor's visit. I didn't realize how much I wanted a baby until our baby came.

- Shana