On The Horizon

With all of the worry and concern, I have not really had a chance to post the belly photos. I will work on that in the near future, particularly for those of you far across the stretches of the U.S. I am a pregnant lady and look it. This coming weekend will mark the beginning of the 28th week of pregnancy. I will be 7 months pregnant and moving into the third trimester. Wow. The house is still a complete wreck. My goal is to complete all the organizing and cleaning needed by mid-October. At this point, that goal seems a bit lofty, but it's my goal nonetheless.

I will keep you updated on our baby's health, the state of our apartment, and my ever-changing body. By the way, I began to worry as I put my shoes on this morning how I was going to get winter boots onto my feet in another month or two. I get winded when putting on shoes now!

I read to our baby every night. She has her own Shelfari account. I have not yet updated it to reflect our latest reading, but she is currently reading one of my favorites: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. If any of you have not yet read this, please do so. You won't regret it.

- Shana

A Second Opinion

Well, it has been quite a week. You can imagine the emotional upheaval caused by the last doctor's prognosis. I felt quite helpless, knowing I could do little to protect my daughter...and worrying that something could be truly wrong with her. I did my best not to worry (not exactly easy) and focus on the positive. This is what I came up with—First, I have an amazing family. Thank you all, by the way, for offering your support, concerns, and well-wishes. It was truly touching. I realized that no matter what this baby will be born into a family that is full of love and support—and with that there is no obstacle that cannot be faced. Second, our daughter comes from a long line of strong women. Some people may argue "stubborn women" is a more appropriate term. However, in either case, we are fighters and survivors in many respects. Third, as silly as it may sound, I feel like I would know if there was something truly wrong. Fourth, I count myself lucky to be pregnant as some women never get the opportunity to experience it...and to love someone so much without ever having met her. That in itself is worth anything we may come up against. And finally, I forced myself to come to terms with the fact that I don't have control over what happens to my baby...as much as I would like to. All I can do is control how well I take care of myself and hope for the best. So I focused on these things and made it to today with calm.

Today, Pat and I went to Cornell to see a specialist there. This doctor specializes in fetal abnormalities and complicated pregnancies. Immediately I felt more at ease in this office than in the other specialist's office. First of all, the ultrasound technician was warm and friendly. She asked questions about our history and the reason for coming in today. She explained what measurements she was taking and was quite thorough. Then, we moved to another room to be examined with another machine that had different measurement capabilities. Another ultrasound technician took measurements at this point. Then the doctor came in and joined the two ultrasound technicians. He also took a look himself and, specifically, checked our baby's lungs. At the end of this hour-long visit, the doctor told us he felt the prognosis was good. He explained what the other doctor suspected and explained what he saw. He told us that he did not feel we had a need to be alarmed and to come in for monthly ultrasounds to check the development of the lungs. All in all, it was relieving to hear. Since we cannot really do anything whether the previous doctor's diagnosis was right or not, all we can do is remain calm and await the next ultrasound. Hopefully the prognosis will continue to be a good one.

For those who offered their prayers, shared our worries, or offered words of comfort or love, I thank you. Pat thanks you. Our baby thanks you. You have no idea how much your love and support means. We would be nowhere without it.

Much love to you all...

- Shana

Update

Well, I apologize for the delay in announcing the gender. We have been told that we are expecting a little girl. What has been troubling, however, is that we were asked to return for repeat visits. Apparently there were concerns about the kidneys, the heart, and especially the lungs. We had another ultrasound today and met the specialist (for the first time in the 5 visits). He was not very helpful in explaining his concerns about the lungs...but he wants to refer us to another specialist for a second opinion. Quite frankly, I don't believe this doctor gave a "first" opinion in the first place. He floundered around and I latched on to one thing—CAML. So, after asking questions and getting them inadequately answered by the doctor, I looked up CAML online. Not much is out there and it seems it is quite rare. It is possible that the suspected lung issue is actually something that will resolve itself as the baby develops. However, if the baby does have CAML, it seems it is quite serious. I can't seem to find any definitive information. Just some medical abstracts. In any case, it is so serious that I feel it was quite irresponsible of the specialist to mention without explanation or any clear information. So, I plan to talk to my regular OB and ask him to refer me to a different specialist.

If you pray, please pray for us. In the meantime, all we can do is hope for the best and get a second opinion. I will keep you updated.

Belly Button, Where Are You Going?

As my belly grows, I notice my belly button is shrinking. It gets tinier and tinier. I know soon it will pop out. Does that happen all at once? Or is it gradual? I suppose a little fresh air never hurt a belly button any. It has to make room for the baby below!

My belly seems so taut now. I know it will get bigger, but it is hard to imagine how. That's where stretch marks come in I guess. Pregnancy is not the sexiest. I have fuzz on my belly, a disappearing belly button, puffy ankles, dark circles under the eyes, a wide load in the rear, and a future of stretch marks! Luckily, most people look at pregnant people and smile. This may be the only time that all these qualities are deemed okay—cute even. So, I will enjoy it while I can as I wait for my ol' belly button to come back.

- Shana

Update

So I have a big pregnant belly and a wide pregnant butt. I am a pregnant lady. The baby moves and moves—most often when I read aloud to the baby at night, when I put my headphones up to my belly, or when I just had something sugary to eat.

Tomorrow is another ultrasound appointment. I am eager to see the baby again. I always wonder what is going on inside there...and where the baby has shifted to. Just last week I was sure the baby was sitting right on my bladder—with each kick I had to pee!

So, boy or girl? Girl or boy? You'll have to check in tomorrow!

- Shana

Emotional Roller Coaster

I don't know if it is due to hormones or simply to overwhelming responsibility of being a mom, but I am an emotional roller coaster! Up and down, side to side...my emotions constantly shift. From fear and worry, to excitement and joy—anxious, paranoid, happy, loving, overwhelmed, eager. I experience them all...and at any given time! I want to meet this little one...and get excited. I think of labor...and I get nervous. I feel the baby move and I am joyous. When I don't feel movement, I get paranoid.

- Shana

Give it up!

Well, the F train people seem to be much nicer than the D train folk. When I ride the D train, I tend to have to stand the entire ride in (about 40 minutes). Yet, on the F train, I was offered a seat by 3 different people. I think this would make for great investigative journalism. They could test out each train and see how often people offer up seats to those in need! Which train is the most courteous?

- Shana

A New York Paradox

So I am pretty pregnant looking now. I am in my 6th month (24 weeks) and my belly has popped out. I waddle, a little, and move more slowly up and down the subway stairs. Underwear aren't fitting, and even certain maternity items are a bit more snug.

A strange phenomenon has taken place. When I go somewhere to grab food or get groceries, I find that I am repeatedly addressed as "sweetie" or "sweetheart" now. Rather than the typical perfunctory "Next!" or "What can I do for yous?" I have been met with "What do you need sweetie?" Apparently pregnancy makes me look more sweet than before. The paradox lies in the fact that, though I am noticeably pregnant, I still have never been offered a seat on the subway. If I am on a crowded subway car, I stand just like everyone else as young, athletic people sit listening to iPods and ignoring everyone around them—the elderly, women with children, and pregnant folk like me.

There is one thing I have learned to appreciate here: I have not yet experienced strangers touching my belly. I know some people in California who had a problem with strangers touching their pregnant bellies. I guess New Yorkers are a bit more into keeping their personal space. In this case, I can't really complain about that. Hands off the belly. That's the way I like it.

- Shana